Tuesday, February 27, 2007

the M word...

"You start with the ingredients for a highly compatible, successful relationship, and then you work to develop closeness and intimacy. Does this mean you lower your standards when it comes to finding a partner? Absolutely not! It simply means you 'expand your field of vision."

I enjoyed reading the book by Dr Neil Clark Warren and totally agree with his 29 Dimensions... something I wished for at the back of my head; its not about being 'selective' mind you. What a revelation! View the list and make an informed decision yourself:

A. The Screening Dimension:
1. Good character
2. Good self-concept
3. Watch out for red flags
4. Anger management
5. Obstreperousness (harsh, unappreciative, difficult, etc)
6. Understandings about family
7. Good family background

B. Core Personal Dimensions
8. Intellect
9. Similar energy levels
10. Similar spirituality
11. Similar education levels
12. Appearance
13. Sense of humour
14. Mood management
15. Traditional vs Nontraditional personalities
16. Ambition
17. Sexual passion
18. Artistic passion
19. Good values
20. Industrious
21. Curiosity
22. Vitality and security
23. Autonomy vs closeness

C. Skills that can be developed
24. Communication
25. Conflict resolution
26. Sociability

D. Qualities that can be developed
27. Adaptability
28. Kindness
29. Dominance vs submissiveness

Above it all, there must be chemistry and commitment, the glue that keeps it all together.

Seven checkpoints to ask yourself before you make that plunge:
1. Take plenty of time to evaluate your relationship
2. Make sure you are the right age
3. Beware of being over-eager
4. Make yourself happy (above everyone else)
5. Make sure you have a broad spectrum of experiences before marriage
6. Make sure your expectations are realistic before saying "I do"
7. Address any character issues, behavioural problems or personality quirks

A wedding vow is a lifelong pledge to love someone unconditionally (its not easy to love someone, sometimes its tougher to like your partner at certain moments but you still regard your other half as a person of great worth and value), honor someone (treat your partner with respect even when he/she is different from you.. you honor the words and the eye contact with your attention and actions, saying "You are important to me"), cherish someone (treat your partner withh tender affection even under circumstances that aren't easy as it requires self-sacrifice; setting aside your own desires/needs at that moment to better meet the needs of your partner), forsake all others (not something I would reckon but in essence, it means treating your partner as important in your life enough to not play around with voices calling to you from outside the relationship or compromising impulses within you i.e. your partner can have deep and total trust in you), perform all duties (providing physical and emotional protection; all-nurturing relationship at all levels) and most importantly, under every kind of circumstances as long as we both shall live (in plenty and in want, in joy and sorrow; in sickness and in health...)

Friday, February 16, 2007

Squash, Anyone?


My Chief Exec (CE) emailed this across to us today.
Creative, don't you think? :)

Here's wishing you and your loved ones
A year of good health, blissful joy,
peaceful serenity & bountiful prosperity.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

What if...

I did a quick personality test and here's the findings; be the judge and see if it is a true reflection of the 'ME' you know:

1.0 TAKING CARE OF OTHERS AND TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF

1.1 Words that describe you:
Fair, considerate, collaborative, responsive, sensible, diplomatic, contemplative, indulgent and rational

1.2 General description:
You are important. So are other people, especially if they are in trouble. You have a tender heart, but you know how to establish and keep personal boundaries. You are empathetic and compassionate, but you also believe that it's best if people solve their own problems and learn to take care of themselves, if they are able.You are deeply moved by the needs of others, but you know that if you don't take good care of yourself, you'll wind up being of no use to anyone. So yours is a thoughtful compassion.

You strive to be fair and sensible, taking care of others while also taking care of yourself.When someone really is in trouble, you like to collaborate with them toward a solution; they do their part, you do yours. You consider carefully, and respond in a sensible way; they do their part, and together you move through the difficulty. You seldom act impulsively; rather, when a problem arises, you take your time to think through the situation. This contemplative quality usually means that you'll arrive at a diplomatic solution, one that's fair for the other person and also fair to you. It's frequently a win/win situation.

2.0 CURIOUS

2.1 Words that describe you:
Original, inventive, thinker, brave, eccentric, avant-garde, out-of-touch, unique

2.2 General description:
You think like an artist. Or better, you SEE like an artist. While most people look at life's straight lines, its height and depth and width, you're bending the lines with your imagination and turning black and white into shades of blue and yellow. And in conversations at work or with your friends you want to ask, "Do you see what I see?" A few might, most don't, but you've piqued everyone's curiosity with your own original and inventive ways of thinking.

You can, if you must, think in conventional ways. But left on your own, you'll usually opt for the eccentric or avant-garde; in fact you're usually bored with what everyone else is comfortable with. You learn from reading, talking, watching people and other fauna and flora, and simply sitting in the soft chair of your mind and wondering how people would learn how to count if they could only use uneven numbers. You are out in front of conventional ideas, bravely originally defining true and false, right and wrong, the good, the bad and the ugly.

3.0 VERY RESPONSIVE

3.1 Words that describe you:
Emotional, insightful, perceptive, sensitive, self-conscious

3.2 General description:
Each one of us encounters some hard times; we get caught off guard, or feel a sudden swell of emotion, whether from fear, joy, anger or sadness. Life is just like this sometimes. You know that because you are an emotional person. Some people go to great lengths to keep their emotions under wraps, to keep a stiff upper lip, to not let others know what emotions they are feeling. But that is not you. You embrace all of life's emotions, both the joys and the turmoil that life brings our way.

When you're having fun with a group of friends you don't even try to contain your pleasure; you laugh hard and feel every moment of the conversation because of the joy that comes from the experience. You make very intense friendships; ones where all of the depth of emotions that you feel can be shared. Emotions are such an essential part of your everyday life. You may cry at intense movies or when watching a sad story on the evening news. You get angry, at others or at yourself, and you do not stifle it.

Emotions drive your personality and your relationships - you simply are what you feel. You experience both the highs and the lows more profoundly than most. And you usually relish the intensity of your emotions. For sure you enjoy the positive times. There are those times, though, when your feelings get the best of you and you wonder how you will manage the moment. But because you are so in tune with all of your emotions you will experience something very pleasant and will be able to engage with that positive feeling to again enjoy the wonderful intensity that life brings you.

4.0 FOCUSED

4.1 Words that describe you:
Deliberate, careful, regimented, determined, proactive, obliged, methodical, perfectionist, purposeful

4.2 General description:
Everybody knows they can count on you to do what you promise to do, be where you say you'll be "on time" and finish what you start. If you say you'll chair the committee, you'll come with an agenda and a clear outline of the tasks to be accomplished, give everyone a chance to speak their minds, and then call for a vote on each issue, schedule the next meeting, hand out assignments and adjourn at the appointed time. You like order and discipline, and use these to methodically accomplish whatever goals you have set for yourself and for others. And you have a strong sense of obligation if you accept responsibility, you are proactive; you take it on with a single-minded commitment, as if you've pledged your allegiance to the assigned task. People know that they can depend on you.

Your personal life is also one of order and discipline. You are likely to have a pretty firm schedule, and to stick to it. You make time for your friends, but not at the expense of your work duties. You can be talkative and funny in social situations, but seldom out of control. In fact, you are pretty careful; you seldom, if ever, cross the line into impulsive behavior, and you are even careful to control how much of your inner world you disclose, even to your close friends. You keep yourself in check because you don't want whatever mess might be inside you to leak out into conversation or make a mess of a relationship. There are things to accomplish in life, both at work and in your social world, and you don't want to let unnecessary clutter hamper your drive to get all of it done, and done well.

5.0 SOMETIMES OUTGOING, SOMETIMES RESERVED

5.1 Words that describe you:
Moderate, amiable, laid-back, temperate, relaxed, poised, civil, uncommitted, pleasant

5.2 General description:
Lucky you! You enjoy your own company as much as you enjoy the company of others. You are a great conversationalist and thrive in the wonderful kinds of connections you know how to have with your family and friends. You also equally enjoy your own company, whether sitting in a favorite chair with your book and soft music playing or meandering in the woods by yourself. You like coming home to your family or your roommate; but if no one is home, you find quiet, solitary time to be just as pleasurable. What a great combination to enjoy being outgoing and to be just as comfortable being reserved.

Because you are so amiable and relaxed, you are comfortable with almost any group of family or friends. Whether they are pumped up and lively or calm and subdued, you remain at ease. If someone needs to take over the conversation, you are comfortable taking the lead; you can also lay back and let someone else be in charge. If the conversation gets rowdy, your moderate demeanor will often draw it down to a more temperate level. If someone in the group loses their cool, you will most likely maintain your poise, and if they get nasty you know how to keep a civil tongue.

You may find yourself out of balance on occasion. If you're alone too much, you may need to get in touch with someone. If you spend too much time with your family and friends, you may need to sneak off for a day by yourself, to putter and read and clear your head of the noise of too much conversation. When you're at your best, you live with a rhythm of time with others, time alone, time with others, time alone It's a satisfying, comfortable balance. Lucky you!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Where there is love there is life...

Hatred ever kills, love never dies. Such is the vast difference between the two. What is obtained by love is retained for all time. What is obtained by hatred proves a burden in reality for it increases hatred. - Mahatma Gandhi

Finally, Its Over!

The freedom to be your best means nothing unless you are willing to do your best. So wherever you go, go with all your heart. To have striven, to have made the effort, to have been true to certain ideals - this alone is worth the struggle. - Collin Powell, Confucius & Sir William Osler.


What I learnt @SHRI was that staying focused is essential for any project to be completed on time - there's time for fun and there's time for serious work, especially since most of us have commitments besides class (some have family matters to attend to, some just starting out on a new job, some looking for a job, some have other classes to attend to besides SHRI), yet we still have to keep to project timelines set by the lecturers...

I instinctively knew that some of my classmates either 'love to hate me' or simply 'fear' me for the consistent dedication I put into every project assignment... to the point they feel pressured to keep up with my expectations or standards...

Now, this is something I never expect from them, simply because each of us signed up for the course for diverse reasons - some just want to pass each module to get the much needed cert, others just wanted to see if there are greater opportunities by exploring this aspect of HR. For me, it was to learn as much and gain the necessary knowledge and skills as I see this as an extension of my instructional design role. With this in mind, I push myself to absorb and contribute as much.

I hope my dear classmates will reflect on the learning curve we went through together and appreciate the team work we had, given the situations we were in. Outside of class, I am of course not the 'serious' person I am in class; my RMIT alumni mates could testify to that (hmm, think its time for another reunion, eh?)

So what's next?, Dannie asked... I was dumbfounded for a split second (suddenly, I recall grams telling me.. to take it slow, settle down.. right) All I know, at least for now, is to finish up my masters and plan for my phD; I shall not comment about matters of the heart as I have time and again resolve to leave this to 'act of God'. In the words of Brad Pitt in "Meet Joe Black", "It'll come to us" and only God knows who is the 'best fit' for me :)

Anyway, immediately after submitting my final assignment, I went straight to see my guy whom I have 'neglected' for the past 3 weeks...he's 4 months now!

PS: Happy belated b'day to Rye... it was nice catching up with you last week over celery+apple juice, yum! And my heartfelt thanks to Arnold, Irene & Nelson...I learnt a lot from you.